So much produce!

I was upset about being back home. Every time I would venture there I would feel less and less in touch with it. This time, it was the worst. I had never felt so alien in my life, like I didn't belong. When I told my mother about these feelings, it started a confrontation that ended with me storming out of the house.

I ran down the front steps and into the garage. It smelled of gasoline but I didn't care. Crying I slammed the door behind me and curled into a ball on the cement floor. My father came in after me, and attempted to console me. I screamed at him to leave me alone. He did.

After some time I crawled out a hole at the back of the garage, I fit through even though it was no bigger than a mouse. By now evening had come, and a cool summer feel was in the air. I decided to walk around the property to try and reconnect with the surroundings that had nurtured me so much as a child.

As I went to the back, I saw that my parents had turned the land into an enormous garden. A two and three story wooden structure that grew vegetables, many of which I had never seen. Giant melons, vines, huge pumpkins, zucchinis and bright peppers everywhere. This garden took up the entire yard. I climbed to the top and walked around it's edge. I peered over to the neighbors yard and they had built a similar structure although it was not as grand and plentiful as my parents garden.

I decided that I was going to pick some of these vegetables and bring them back to Toronto with me. I would have so much produce! As I tiptoed like a cat on the edge, I noticed an opening in the third level garden about midway. I looked out and saw my house. I felt stuck, unable to move down the latter, afraid I might fall.

When the next day came I took Adam, we got into the car and left without saying goodbye. The car loaded with vegetables. As we drove north, Adam turned to me and said he needed to go to Baltimore. He had become Tina Fey. I said to him that I would drive him to the border and he could take the bus.

$$$$$$£££€€€¥¥¥

Dot Matrix

Adam and I were working together on a few projects. One was a small square canvas, the other was a wooden model of a house.

I was painting the wooden house white, working room by room of the tiny victorian mansion. I found it therapeutic to move the globs of white and cover the wooden construction.

Adam came through the studio, on his phone. I over heard him negotiating a price, starting at $100. He was selling our painting. I looked over to the canvas and noticed that the piece, which we had finished together, was painted over and re done without me. Adam continued to negotiate, the price dropped to $50 and he hung up.

He approached me, and noticed I painted patterns in one of the rooms of the model house. I said, I am painting over that, I am just having fun with it. He replied, you can leave it like that but it will look bad. I painted over my pattern.

I said to him that he should have consulted me before selling the painting. That we were working together and it was part mine too. Adam pulled out a paper from his pocket, it was from an old dot matrix printer that listed dates and everything he had done on our two projects. He said he did more. From the look of the list he was right, but I was still his partner. When I said this he replied simply "What's your point?"

halloween/anniversary

Work world goes well, with a few freelance opportunities to boot. Life fills up with the cold but I'm going crazy with the absence of Adam. And everyone hates me. But the Bowden Blogg turns 1, it snowed many places in the East and we all press on. I LOVE HALLOWEEN!

"Adam is in Europe."

Mr. Pants escaped from my care, in some unknown suburb. I left my apartment and looked for him, lost in the place that I lived but no longer recognized. It was getting close to dusk and I worried for the cat I was looking after. I searched for what I thought was missing, all the while holding him so close. Mr. Pants hadn't really run away, he was in my arms and I was holding him tight. So tight at times I worried that I was hurting him, but I couldn't let him run away again. In my fear of letting him go I didn't realize all this. All I could feel was the pressure of loss at my fault, and had to find him.

I tracked him to the apartment of another couple of women I did not know. They were both very young and wore too much makeup. They knew James and Anna, said that they had left and were at the studio. I said "I am looking for Mr. Pants," they replied "Adam is in Europe." And they continued to give me answers I didn't need. I took a quick check of their apartment, and then left. On the porch, on my way back into early evening, one of the women asked me how old I was; "26" I answered and her eyes widened, both were happy. "Awesome!" The other exclaimed. I turned, and left.

Back down the suburban street as I searched, Mr. Pants jumped out of my arms and ran away. How could I have been so blind?

Baaaa

wwaltzz

I was with another man, we were in Miami. We stopped in a private courtyard, fenced in. There was a pool for a small two story apartment building, and we started making out. It was getting on to dawn, no doubt we partied all night long. As we kissed, another man left his apartment. This startled us. It was a familiar man, the roommate of a past love. He backed down the latter of his porch and jumped into the water.

Suddenly we were all in, but the water was made of blankets and sheets and comforters and duvets, thrown together in the pool. We were weightless and I continued to kiss the other man.

I turned and another man was in the window up above us, looking down. I knew it was my past love. I left the man I kissed and got out of the pool. By this time the past love had come down to the door. The light was getting stronger, the sun was rising. He came out to me, and I stood to him. I reached up to hug him, and he embraced me back. Taller, shorter hair, and I still felt the love inside him. I told him to tell me about him. He stuttered, a little nervous. I said, tell me while we dance, and I held out my arms and began to waltz on my tiptoes, taking the role of the woman but leading like a man.

$$$$$$$$$

EYE WEEKLY

Hello old lova do we have a futura? No, univers. Freaking of balcony robbers on a Tuesday at 1, writing a blog post and craving a drink. Smoke 'em if you got'em!!!

Frisbee Dig

I was on the Gardiner Expressway looking down over the railing from the backseat of the van, Joanne. There were cars all driving west, it was day, dry, clear. In the park below my friends were playing frisbee. I was riding with two others, a driver and a navigator but I don't remember who they were. Together, we were trying to fly away from this place, but every time we didn't quite make it. We would have to turn back and circle around to try again. But this time, we knew we could. We sped up, the van turned up until the wheels were spinning in mid-air. We rose higher and higher and just as we could feel the weight of the van start to pull us down, my friends threw their red frisbee up toward me. I reached out the window to catch it, this had the power to lift us off the earth.

Before that we drove west through downtown, elevated on the Gardiner Expressway. When we drove past Stachan Ave. I made a joke I do not remember about the pronunciation and my driver and navigator both laughed.

Before that I was sitting cross legged with Michelle Brewer after we were dancing and playing, impersonating animals and behaving like children outdoors around a bonfire.

*Fairbairnpumpkin8OD

Duff&Dav

100 10-01-10

10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-1010-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10 10-01-10
100 blog posts later, Oct 1, SUNSHINE,
work, home, cook, clean.

Cadillacs and Dinosaurs

After writing about the dream, I thought about this old show I loved to watch back in '93 (I was 10)

Dinosaurs Return

It all ended with smashing through glass windows to offices of a recently abandoned building, searching for cigarettes. Breaking the glass, first a hole with my foot or fist, then the rest fell away. It was methodic and simple. I enter and search the abandoned desks of the former suit wearing occupant. The first one a woman, her desk filled with dozens of empty cartons of marlboro lights and blues, all tightly fit in her drawers and on her shelf. I found some extra large matches, really long ones meant for lighting candles. I aggressively took them and shoved them into my pocket. Continuing to the next office I kicked in the window to the fire hose closet. The next office belonged to a man, and it was also filled with cartons of marlboro reds. I could smell it, I knew I was close. After a thorough search, through box after box of empty cigarettes, I found one, half full, left behind. Success! I took them and quickly left the room. The next office I was back in my bedroom, it was dark. I quickly ransacked through my bags and picked the best one for the job, a yellow and grey backpack. I stuffed in my sleeping bag and the matches I had found with the cigarettes. Winter was coming, and hard times were ahead as I exited the city by foot. As I looked around my room to decide what else to take with me, I woke up.

It started with an emergency. That night in Toronto along the waterfront, a violent explosion of blue and white had torn a gateway through time. This wormhole was a tunnel to prehistoric earth, the planet dominated by millions of dinosaurs, all aware of their impending extinction. In an act to save themselves, they crossed the gateway into our time. The city was quickly overwhelmed, most of the creatures were massive. Long necked, towering carnivores, toothed and horned, forcing their way into our night. The people scattered in panic.

I was working at the time, downtown. It wouldn't be long before they reached us so we needed to leave quickly. I knew that I could avoid the larger creatures but the small carnivores and other raptors would be coming for us. I got to my group of co-works, most working that evening were obnoxious and useless. I asked for my supervisors, Cheryl or Michael, but they were no where to be found. I left my crew and decided to go it alone.