Freedom or Death (prelim)

Late in 2008

December 2008:

Alice, Irene and I were siting in the lunch room at work near the doorway. I had my suitcase, Alice and Irene did also. We were talking, I could feel I was late for my flight. I noticed that the Ho sisters were going to the airport as well so I asked Alice if they wanted to share a cab. She looked away from me but said yes. I could feel they both didn't want me to come with them. I wheeled my suitcase with me to the washroom, and then I left.

Out on Bay Street, I headed for home, walking with my bags. I arrived at my apartment for one final shut down check. As I went to lock the door, I noticed it did not seal. The door frame was on an angle and I was unable to properly lock my apartment.

My superintendent arrived and she was wearing a brown cardigan I once owned. She said to follow her, she would try to fix the problem. I looked at my watch and remarked that I was very late and would miss my flight. Then I could feel someone else's presence.

Craig was behind me in the hall outside my door. I turned to him. He was wearing a jean jacket, a backpack and he was also pulling a suitcase but his had a boombox stereo tied to the top of it. He said he was leaving. I replied so was I, I was late and was going to miss my flight. We shake hands, hug and he backs into an elevator full of people, with his bags.

The super said to come with her to the service elevator on the other side. Once inside, the doors shut and I noticed the service elevator was a small theatre. Four seats wide, three aisles high. I remarked that I should use the space for a play.

As we reached the ground floor, one side of the elevator opened into windows exposing the bring outdoors with lush trees and chirping birds.

Late with my luggage I woke up.

leggo my eggo

I was living with four other people in a big old house. My birthday was approaching and I was getting excited. Because I loved myself so much I was telling everyone I knew about the party, except for two of the people I lived with because I did not know them. Ben was the other room mate I knew, and he was befriending the ones I did not know. Both were female. Typical.

I came into the run down old fight club style kitchen and all were there. One of the girls gave me an eggo waffle covered in icing sugar so I took it and began to eat it. "This is delicious!" I exclaimed. She looked back at me with a strange grin. She had dark curly hair and a sharp face and she took a bite out of her own waffle. "It's my birthday today." She said with her mouth full, "I'm 26." I looked over at Ben, he shrugged. I looked back at this girl and wished her a happy birthday. As I took another bite into the sweet pastry the other girl piped in also. "It's my birthday next week!" She said. "I'm turning 23." Feeling little by little that my excitement was draining to these other younger birthdays, I clung to positivity. I remarked we were all Sagittarius with a forced smile.

I went to the refrigerator to get a glass of orange juice. As I reached for the door, David Davidson dressed in his black work uniform beat me to it. Bent over in front of the fridge he looked back at me through his thick black framed glasses and said "Don't worry, I'm 29." I looked back at everyone else feeling a little relieved. "Thank god," I replied "You don't look a day over eleven."

Google Starship

MMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......

11lb Turkey Sunday also starring (myself) ben ross michelle hishmeh sham hishmeh craig massie robyn akimbo adam zinzan diana smith devin raw anna pantchev james gauvreau and yvonne reidy. Appearances by white wine, stuffing one and two, mashed potatoes, turnip, squash, cranberry sauce, gravy, followed by cherry cheesecake, pumpkin pie, italian ice cream, apple crumble chocolate cookies coffee and baileys. MMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......................now for the soup.

chicken and corn in small ball form

Sitting in the booth at a diner with Adam and two men I can't remember, we ordered our meals and chit chatted about current events. It was evening, and I could see the street outside from where I sat.

My food arrived in a bowl, looking very much like corn puffs on rice. It was chicken and corn in small ball form, even the rice beneath it was balled. I ate it faster than I've eaten anything and before the waiter could leave I was ordering another round.

When we were done, Adam left to the store next door and promised he would be back. The other two men left. Alone at the table, I decided to sit in the windowsill and dangle my legs outside. I started to brush my teeth in this position, watching the people go by.

Then the two men and Adam walked by me, briefly saying they were leaving. I hopped down, toothbrush still in my mouth, and walked back around to the entrance to the diner. I had forgotten my wallet and manuscript!

In the seconds it took me to walk around two other men, Justin Apperley and Hayden Thomas were there preparing to order their meals. Justin was laying in the booth seat I had just left. I pounced on him, surprising them both. Reaching over him to grab my belongings on the windowsill I exclaimed "I was just sitting in the exact same place as you!" all the while pretending to stab him with my toothbrush as if it were a knife. I looked over at Hayden and asked how he was. "Fine, how are you Jordan?" he replied with a big smile. I said "SOO Awesome!" and turned to leave.

ÚŔÁŃỦŚ

"It's my party and I'll cry if I want to."

4/27 MOONS

*The Mutilation of Uranus by Saturn

*The Main Bridge

Thanks for your picture, Mr.

Trains and Cabins

It ended with me waking up laughing in hysterics.

The old steam engine train came to a halt and many passengers all dressed in posh 19th century attire began to gather their belongings and disembark. The passengers were people I knew, but I stuck with Lindsey Higgs. She was wearing a white Victorian gown with a matching hat and umbrella. I carried our suitcases and together we left the train.

We were all transported to a complex that was a science institution. The land around it was simple, flat blues and greens that resembled a creation from Microsoft paint.

Lindsey and I walked in the white clinical hallways of the complex. Still dressed to the nines in very old world clothing, I asked Lindsey if we were lost. She replied that she had been there before with many children for a conference and that there were only five floors. She added that it was shaped like a spider so it was easy to get lost. I chuckled like my mother.

We entered the stairwell and there was Michelle Brewer, hunched over her bags on the stairs. Taking a break from the many Kidsing kids she was chaperoning, she looked stressed. She was binge eating broccoli and potato chips. I recalled instantly that on the train she had mentioned she was dieting again and when we caught her in the stairwell she looked embarrassed. "I need to find more money!" she exclaimed with her mouth full and laughing. Lindsey continued down the stairs without saying anything. Michelle dumped her purse of pennies on the floor and began making piles, still laughing. This scene made me burst into a loud cackle and I grabbed the railing for support. I was laughing so hard that it woke me up.

Before we got on the train myself and a few others were helping Adam install a third floor on his cabin, and a new roof. Gabrielle and I were working with a carpenter on the new flooring and when we finished were told it was a dangerous job. Gabrielle sat across the room on a lay-z-boy chair and I noticed she was no longer pregnant. We spoke and then the carpenter came in and began to lift the floor we had just put down. He lifted it with his bare hands, the boards were only held down with staples. With the floor almost completely gone revealing downstairs, the carpenter said we would have to take the cabin to a special place to compete it.

This is when the cabin was put on a train with everyone I knew and we all steamed away to our destination.

Besstdaay

How the tides have turned goodbye sunshine at 4:30 in the afternoon hello jordanbowden you're the guysmiliest boy on the planet??? How did this happen??? Say hello work money love family. Green curry 3d animation freelance freelance canvas plywood resin flights home for christ'smass eerythin balances out. George Harrison was such a fox!!!

Carolyn Roberts

In the lecture hall without windows, all students sat on the same plane. A projector was all that lit the room and it's light bounced off the wall onto the faces in the audience. From behind, student mentors were lined up, all in their blue football jerseys, Kennebecasis Crusader style. They were running a welcome pep rally and I was in attendance with all the new students. There were many people there, mixes from my high school and university careers including my favorite professor from Ryerson, Don Snyder. He was seated off to the side. I walked over to him and after some small talk, he went on to listening to the lecture. I stood beside him, searching for more to say. As I stood there, I pulled out pieces of home made bread from my trench coat pocket. Rather nervously I picked at them, ate some, and put other pieces back into my pocket.

When the lecture ended, I followed a small pack of the blue jerseyed mentors out the room into the main lobby of the school. It was the lobby of my old high school, brightly lit. One of the mentors, a black woman with curly hair, asked me about my school experience. I told her I had just finished at OCAD.

Out in the sun, it was warm and breezy. Many cars were driving around the school indicating the day was through. The student parking lot was busy, the roads that surrounded KVHS were congested and full. There were tunnels that came out the sides, spewing out car after car, all in a frenzy to leave.

I went off to one side of the school, through the teachers parking lot to where an old wooden bridge used to be. It was replaced by a concrete overpass, below more cars emerged from what looked like underground parking for the high school. Then an old brown VW Jetta came out of the tunnel and stopped directly below me. Carolyn Roberts looked up at me through the sunroof and offered me a ride home. I cast off the bridge as if in water, and swam through her sunroof to ride shotgun.

Starship cold contact old

Start digging

Going through past journals to find some goodies I discovered other dream accounts that time warp my memory *BAM* I've been dreaming about the end of the world for a long time. And Carolyn Roberts? More to come with correlation.

December 12, 2004

"I dreamt it was the apocalypse, the second coming. I was alone in my room at home. It was dark out everywhere. All I had was a flashlight, and it was slowly dimming. It was so terribly dark and the wind howled at my window. I was so afraid. The dog was downstairs, I could hear her running around, from window to window, barking, sad barking.

I went downstairs and found her, opened the front door and went out into the raining wind. There wasn't a sign of life anywhere, it was so terribly dark and raining. The dog took off up the hill onto the road to look for our mother, we were determined she was out there. We came to the end of the road and turned left up the old Chaimberlain Road. All the houses were dark and the corner light was gone. Looking for anyone, the dog and I got to my old bus stop, two houses up the street, and an invisible wall smashed into us. With such force it jettisoned us into the sky falling back to the top of my parents hill, in the huge mud garden. It nocked the wind out of me, a pain in the arm I landed on. I sat up slowly against the wind, I could hear the dog whimpering. I tried to help her up but she just kept crying and crying."

New on the wall

A few new pieces, hope to get a show sometime in the spring.

GoodbEYE

My contract is over at Eye Weekly :( but some great portfolio pieces and some real experience. Five issues come and gone so quick, amazing opportunity!

Family in Montréal

My weekend was filled with lovely family time in the fine city of Montréal. Adam and I arrived Friday evening to Gabrielle and Eric's new home in La Salle, a quiet neighborhood south west of Verdun. With a baby due in a few weeks, two cats and a 68 pound basset hound filled with love, the stay was relaxing and warm. Saturday afternoon we ventured into the city to visit with my sweet baby sister, in town for her birthday. It was a short visit, for dinner and some drinks, but it was enriched with home none the less. I love her very much. It was too short. This morning, I woke in a spoon train. Lomez the hound hugging Adam hugging me hugging the black kitty Veda. We took our hosts for breakfast, played a few rounds on the nintendo and headed home to Toronto. A sweet family weekend in Montréal.

♥H24BDLLB

Yesterday was my sweet sisters 24th birthday but I was working all day and barely got a chance to speak with her. To make it up I will see her this weekend in Montreal!!!

So much produce!

I was upset about being back home. Every time I would venture there I would feel less and less in touch with it. This time, it was the worst. I had never felt so alien in my life, like I didn't belong. When I told my mother about these feelings, it started a confrontation that ended with me storming out of the house.

I ran down the front steps and into the garage. It smelled of gasoline but I didn't care. Crying I slammed the door behind me and curled into a ball on the cement floor. My father came in after me, and attempted to console me. I screamed at him to leave me alone. He did.

After some time I crawled out a hole at the back of the garage, I fit through even though it was no bigger than a mouse. By now evening had come, and a cool summer feel was in the air. I decided to walk around the property to try and reconnect with the surroundings that had nurtured me so much as a child.

As I went to the back, I saw that my parents had turned the land into an enormous garden. A two and three story wooden structure that grew vegetables, many of which I had never seen. Giant melons, vines, huge pumpkins, zucchinis and bright peppers everywhere. This garden took up the entire yard. I climbed to the top and walked around it's edge. I peered over to the neighbors yard and they had built a similar structure although it was not as grand and plentiful as my parents garden.

I decided that I was going to pick some of these vegetables and bring them back to Toronto with me. I would have so much produce! As I tiptoed like a cat on the edge, I noticed an opening in the third level garden about midway. I looked out and saw my house. I felt stuck, unable to move down the latter, afraid I might fall.

When the next day came I took Adam, we got into the car and left without saying goodbye. The car loaded with vegetables. As we drove north, Adam turned to me and said he needed to go to Baltimore. He had become Tina Fey. I said to him that I would drive him to the border and he could take the bus.

$$$$$$£££€€€¥¥¥

Dot Matrix

Adam and I were working together on a few projects. One was a small square canvas, the other was a wooden model of a house.

I was painting the wooden house white, working room by room of the tiny victorian mansion. I found it therapeutic to move the globs of white and cover the wooden construction.

Adam came through the studio, on his phone. I over heard him negotiating a price, starting at $100. He was selling our painting. I looked over to the canvas and noticed that the piece, which we had finished together, was painted over and re done without me. Adam continued to negotiate, the price dropped to $50 and he hung up.

He approached me, and noticed I painted patterns in one of the rooms of the model house. I said, I am painting over that, I am just having fun with it. He replied, you can leave it like that but it will look bad. I painted over my pattern.

I said to him that he should have consulted me before selling the painting. That we were working together and it was part mine too. Adam pulled out a paper from his pocket, it was from an old dot matrix printer that listed dates and everything he had done on our two projects. He said he did more. From the look of the list he was right, but I was still his partner. When I said this he replied simply "What's your point?"